


Fire and Powder

by Aurorazilla



Category: Archie Comics, Archie Comics & Related Fandoms, Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: AAAA, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, CANON CONVERSTION THERAPY??? FUCKIN HELL, Canon Compliant, Depression, Emotional Abuse, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Heavy Angst, Mental Illness, SUPER TRIGGER WARNINGS, Spoilers!, Trauma, a lot of fluff to fill in our empty souls, but then a lot of angst to crush our souls, canon almost rape, canon suicide attempt, lots of depresso
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-23
Updated: 2018-03-31
Packaged: 2019-04-06 20:06:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14064570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aurorazilla/pseuds/Aurorazilla
Summary: “These violent delights have violent endsAnd in their triumph die, like fire and powder,Which, as they kiss, consume.”-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act II, Scene VIOr:Cheryl, from the beginning, has always had her defenses up to mask her deteriorating mental state. She's worked on her walls for years, and all it takes is one Serpent girl with stupid pink hair to tear them down.But Cheryl Blossom wasn't meant for a happy ending.Not when her mother could help it.(OR: Cheryl has severe depression, Toni becomes her everything, and everything since the most recent episode is happening.)





	1. Cheryl.

**Author's Note:**

> hey it's a super angsty one so let's all buckle up for that
> 
> This is the first part, and the second will be released next week; from Toni's perspective.
> 
> I hope you all enjoy my depressive episode bc that's where this puppy was born!!!!

There’s something dark running through her veins. It isn’t blood. No, she lost her heart long ago. It’s a thick, dark substance, clogging her body and filling her with a vast emptiness. Emptiness. A void. She is a hollow shell of who she once was; a vacant thing - a zombie - roaming the halls of Riverdale High with nothing but a deep ache in her chest where her heart used to beat to the sound of adolescent laughter and clumsy first kisses. **  
**

_Empty, empty, empty._

The skies in Riverdale are always grey, now; they have been for a long time. At least in Cheryl’s eyes. The world seems muted in color, in sound. She sometimes feels like she’s still drowning, still choking on ice-cold water. Maybe she  _is_ still drowning. The world hasn’t been right since Heather - even less so without Jason.

Losing Heather was jarring. First loves, they say, are always the most impactful, and it left quite the goddamn impact. All her life, there was only Cheryl and Jason. And then there was this wonderful girl who wanted to actually  _know_ her, and  _befriend_ her. And then platonic feelings became too mixed with new, unfamiliar ones, and suddenly there was just  _Heather_. And then it was just her and Jason again.

Like a spark of a flame, her love was there in an instant and gone in a flash. Snuffed out by her mother’s acrylic nails. Stomped on by her toxic words:  _Deviant_.  _Unnatural_.  _Wrong_.

Cheryl has learned by now to build steel walls around her heart. It’s the most important organ in her goddamn body and she’ll be damned if she lets it get stomped on again. Especially after Jason.

_Jason_.

He was her second half. The only person who knew about Heather, about everything Cheryl has ever tried to keep hidden. It was like their bond went beyond reality itself. He was just always there, always telling Cheryl that she wasn’t deviant, she wasn’t  _worthless_ and he was everything she had ever needed. Because while their parents were grooming him to take on the family business, they tossed Cheryl aside like garbage; but Jason only ever treated her like she was more than that.

And, God, how foolish she was to think Veronica Lodge actually cared about her. How absolutely  _stupid_ she was to think she’d ever deserve someone as spectacular as Josie. How fucking  _pathetic_ she was to- to- think these people, these-  _wonderful_ ,  _loving_ people, would ever,  _ever_ truly care about her.

Because if her own family didn’t care about her, why would anyone else? If the woman who held her inside of her for nine goddamn months didn’t love her, how could anyone else?

She thinks a lot about that day at Sweetwater River.

The bittersweet taste of her brush with death; the enticing promise of reuniting with the only person who had ever really cared to notice her.

Veronica left her. Josie was never hers to have. Clearly Betty didn’t give two shits about her - threatening her with a video of her own brother’s murder at the hand of her father, just to defend the man who helped hide his murder? Fuck no. Betty always hated her, always said  _she_ was the terrible one. And you know what? Maybe she is. But that-

That was all she needed to face her reality:

Cheryl Blossom is a liability.

She is a poison and she kills everything she touches. Her love is toxic, her heart black and dead and rotting with Jason Blossom.

And it would be so easy, next time. She’s learned from her mistakes. She wouldn’t tell anybody. She couldn’t let them know next time. The others only came to her her to save their own necks. After all, how would the media look at the teens who ignored Cheryl Blossom’s goodbye to the living world?

No.

If she did it again, it would be alone.

She’s always been alone.

It would be so, so easy.

She isn’t sure why she hasn’t tried again.

Maybe she’s a masochist. She likes the pain. The pain of being so achingly isolated from the fucking world and having no power to help herself. She only gives fire, though her heart is frozen solid. She can’t let anyone through the steel bars that keep her rotting heart in place.

She can’t.

_You’ve never known love, Cheryl. Except to rip it apart. Because you are a jealous, spite-filled, starving, emotional anorexic._

God.

She knows the rumors surrounding her at school. Knows what everyone thinks of her. She’s a goddamn monster, and she’s always known it. But now it’s starting to seize around her, a python squeezing the breath from her lungs. It’s pulling her into the depths of a dark river. It’s drowning her, and she can’t remember the last time she had a real breath of fresh air.

So, yes, she is a monster; her emotions boil beneath the surface of her porcelain skin, simmering over when Veronica and her stupid friends decide on a ‘couples retreat’. She doesn’t know love, not anymore.

And then there’s this girl. She’s exchanged several insults with her; many verbal battles that have lost their luster to the student body but are often a topic amongst her Vixens. Mostly because they’re agreeing with Cheryl just to agree with her. After all - crazy runs in the Blossoms, and haven’t you heard how ballistic Betty Cooper went on Chuck Clayton? Who’s to say Cheryl won’t freak out like that, too?

(As if Cheryl was  _anything_ like that blonde psychopath.)

But this goddamn girl. This-  _Southside Scum_  that dared to talk back to Cheryl on her  _first day_  at Riverdale. Cheryl hates her immediately. But-

There’s something else there.

And it seems to fill the bathroom once Toni enters, a smirk on her lips. (Not that Cheryl was looking there.)

And there’s this-

Look in her eyes.

In Toni’s eyes.

It’s soft, and it’s a painful echo of how Veronica used to look at her, of how Josie looked at her after Nick, and Cheryl knows people like this are ones to stay  _away_ from. Because people who look at her like that are lying to her. They don’t fucking care. Nobody cares so why the hell would this-  _Serpent_ bitch care about her, too? They’ve never been kind to each other. She didn’t even let the bitch borrow her notes in AP Lit.

And even  _worse_ is how fucking easily she sees right through Cheryl. God, it frustrates her to no end. She’s worked on her mask for years, for her whole  _life_ , and it takes one leather-clad girl with pink fucking hair to see through it.

Veronica understood her in a way, but only because she was ‘just like Cheryl’ in New York. She didn’t know a damn thing about how Cheryl really felt, or thought, or acted because at the end of the day she never cared to ask or find out on her own. At the end of the day, she chose a fucking jubilee over Cheryl, who lay half-frozen beside a fire after trying to end her own life.

Josie cared for her in a way that reminded her of Jason, so maybe that was why she felt so undeniably connected to her. She was getting that small piece of herself back, only to be shattered because of Reggie fucking  _Mantle_. And, sure, maybe Cheryl went about it all wrong - she’s always screwing things up like that. She messes everything up. Everything. She ruins  _everything_ -

But this Serpent girl?

No.

She wants something out of her, like everyone else. And Cheryl doesn’t know how much more of this fake bullshit she can take.

“Get your sapphic, Serpent hands  _off_ my body.” She snarls, storming out of the bathroom before she says - or does - something stupid.

(She’s a liability; everything she touches turns to ash. This girl doesn’t know her. Doesn’t know what she’s been through. What more does she want from Cheryl?)

* * *

 

Cheryl thinks about her emptiness a lot. It settles in her chest, makes a home where her heart used to be, and it waits. There’s a small comfort in that loneliness, in that emptiness. It’s a constant, and if there’s anything she needs most in life, it’s something constant and dependable.

She thinks about going to the river, but settles for the movies instead because, at this point, she doesn’t know what she’ll do if she’s alone by that river and there’s that odd itching in the back of her mind that’s keeping her here. Sure, the movie choice is cliché, but Cheryl is feeling a bit sorry for herself and extremely  _alone_ , so she buys the damn ticket and gets a cherry cola.

And there she is again.

That goddamn Serpent bitch.

And Cheryl is too far gone into her own self-destructive despair that she can’t quite bring herself to insult Toni as much as she’d like to. And maybe Toni senses that. Because her eyes are sparkling when she talks to Cheryl; they’re teasing and dark and so easy to get lost in that Cheryl can’t resist the urge to allow herself to indulge in this act of kindness.

And then the offer to go to Pop’s after.

It’s-

It’s  _nice_.

Part of her is screaming at her for trusting someone again. Especially with a secret that only Jason and their mother knew. But the rest of her craves this. Craves the ease that she’s starting to feel around Toni. It feels natural. It’s so terrifyingly easy to loosen those steel bars around her heart, to allow it to beat at least once (albeit rapidly), for this girl that Cheryl feels like she’s on the ice again. Any step, and she could go under.

(Part of her thinks it’s worth it.)

(The rest of her thinks she’s about to destroy herself all over again.)

* * *

 

The day following their unlikely meeting, Toni texts her, and Cheryl decides to ignore the fluttering in her stomach.

**Topaz  
** _hey bombshell  
_ _how you feeling this morning?_

Oh. She’s… asking about her wellbeing. That’s… new. On a lot of levels. Not even Jason asked her that everyday.

__**im alive i suppose  
** __**thank you, btw  
** _**for listening  
** _ __**you really didn’t have to**

But she did. And fuck if Cheryl knows why.

**Topaz  
** ****_i know_  
**_i wanted to  
_ ** ****_im always a text away, y’know_

Cheryl smiles.

**_clearly_ **

She hovers her thumbs over the keyboard. She’s not usually speechless in an average text conversation; usually she lets others text her up on the latest drama, or blow up the Vixens groupchat. She’s not used to having no words, to worrying about what to say next.

Luckily, Toni saves her from doing so.

**Topaz  
** **_i’ll see you in school, bombshell_ **

Right. School.

Yikes.

How will everyone react to her and Toni being civil? Cheryl often does her best to keep up her cold exterior. If she goes soft on Topaz, then what the hell will people think?

( _Who cares what people think?_  A voice in the back of her mind asks. It sounds suspiciously like Jason, when they were thirteen, and she was desperately trying to look good for their first day of school;  _Just be you, Cher. You’re the only Cheryl Blossom. Own it._ )

Her chest feels a pang of that aching loneliness, so she drags herself out of bed and squashes her feelings down into the pits of her body. She’s used to this. She can do this.

* * *

 

She can’t fucking do this.

She’s hardly halfway through the day; Archie and Veronica are kissing, and Jughead and Betty are blissfully unaware of her presence in the room, and for some reason Cheryl’s stomach lurches and her chest constricts. So she slips away, as calmly as possible, and finds the closest bathroom.

She can’t quite breathe, can’t quite find the air that her lungs are aching for. She’s gasping, the taste of dirty water lingering in the back of her throat. The taste of champagne, the memories of Jason and Nick St. Clair burning into the backs of her eyelids and she thinks she really must be fucking crazy.

_Loveless. Deviant. Emotional anorexic_. She’s alone, she’s alone and she’s always going to be alone and she’s drowning and nobody can fucking see it and-

God-

She-

“Cheryl?” A voice startles her but she’s locked onto the images kaleidoscoping through her mind. There’s a faint click, and a thud, and then arms are wrapped around her. She freezes in the embrace, but the voice is murmuring softly into her ear and it almost sounds like Jason before it melts into another familiar voice. Toni.  _Toni_. “Shh, it’s okay. Breathe, Cheryl. It’s okay. You’re okay.”

And what the hell is she trying to  _do_  to Cheryl?

“What do you want from me?” Cheryl whimpers. Because nobody ever gives anything to her except for their own benefit. Because Veronica didn’t want to live with the guilt of letting the sole Blossom twin committing suicide like her father; because Betty wanted her brother’s murderer’s accomplice to be free because he’s her boyfriend’s fucking father; because Josie could never want her; because-

Because she’s  _Cheryl Blossom_. She’s-

“I want you to trust me,” Toni says gently.

Cheryl looks at her, her body and mind slowly easing out of her panic. And there’s that  _look_ again. It’s beyond how the others looked at Cheryl and it’s frightening in every fucking way. But it’s also-

It makes her let out a choked sob, and she lets herself fall into Toni’s embrace, her head burying into the shorter girl’s shoulder.

“God, Cheryl,” Toni holds her tighter. “What happened?”

“I’m alone,” Cheryl sniffles, not really caring about how her makeup is smearing.

Toni is warm, and she’s gentle, and she’s everything Cheryl should stay away from because she’s melting the walls around Cheryl’s heart and she can’t fucking let that happen again.

“You aren’t alone,” Toni says quietly. “I promise, Cheryl, you're not alone. Not anymore. Please know that.”

“Why are you doing this?”

“I want to help you.”

_“Why_ _?_ _"_

“Because I  _care_.”

“W-”

“Because, believe it or not, I actually like you. And I’m not blind. I can see you’re suffering and I can’t let you suffer alone.”

And, because Cheryl is fucking  _crazy_ , she believes Toni.

* * *

 

Cheryl hesitantly sits next to Toni at lunch. There are several stares, but she ignores them easily enough. Almost as soon as she sits down, Toni asks if she’s feeling okay, and Cheryl promises she’s fine. They launch into a mindless conversation that has Cheryl actually laughing and smiling, and while plenty of heads are turned at this point, Cheryl can’t tear her eyes away from Toni Topaz.

(A girl like her can do damage. Cheryl’s gone through this before. Several times. But, she figures, what’s one more? Maybe she’s a masochist; she likes to lose her heart over and over.)

(But, somehow, Toni is different.)

(Cheryl isn’t quite sure how or why, yet.)

* * *

 

The quiet grunts and not-at-all quiet moans are making her stomach churn. No matter how fucking loud she plays her music, it bleeds into her ears and makes her sick. God, she hates her mother so, so much.

Annoyed and lonely, she texts the only person she really enjoys talking to.

**_hey  
_ _you awake?_ **

She glances at the time. Almost three in the morning. If Toni is up this late on a school night, she’s bonkers.

Her response, however, is immediate. Cheryl isn’t totally staring at the bubbles signifying Toni’s typing.

**Topaz  
** _always awake for you, bombshell  
you okay?_

Cheryl smiles to herself. Toni always asks if she’s okay, and Cheryl is starting to think that she actually  _cares_ for  _real_ and it’s so goddamn  _nice_ to feel noticed by someone for something other than her general confident HBIC faꞔade.

**Topaz  
** **_still there, princess?_ **

****_yeah_  
sorry i know it’s late  
**_my mother and her “client” are being…. loud  
_ ** ****_and i can’t sleep_

She turns up her music to the max volume. Nope. Still not working.

**Topaz  
** _say no more_  
_your knight in shining leather is on the way_

Cheryl’s stomach swoops.

**_wait what_ **

She waits a minute. No response.

**_????_ **

Five minutes.

**_TONI_**.

She groans when there’s still no reply on Toni’s end. Rolling onto her side, Cheryl looks at the dark sky through her massive windows. She wonders if Toni is reading into their friendship as much as she is.

Friendship.

It’s been too long since she’s felt like someone wanted to bring out this side of her. The side she’d lost years ago. The side that makes her giggle with Toni at lunch, admit her adoration of _Lord of the Rings_  and  _The Hobbit_ , then proceed to laugh when Toni teases her about it. The side that makes her want to tell Toni everything and anything about herself that she can, to open herself up in a million ways and to learn everything she can possibly know about Toni Topaz.

God- she wants to know it all. She wants to know her favorite food, her favorite song, her favorite book, her favorite flowers; she wants to know about her family, her friends, why she’d joined the Serpents, why she’s even  _bothering_ with Cheryl-

There’s a tap on her window and a buzz from her phone.

**Topaz  
_open your window!_**

Cheryl yanks out her earbuds, wincing at the loss of the muffling, and looks at her window when there’s another tap.

No fucking way.

She slips out of her bed, and looks through the glass pane. Toni is right under her window, looking up with a grin.

Cheryl opens the window with a matching smile. “You are fucking insane.”

“Rapunzel, let down your hair!” Toni whisper-yells.

Cheryl rolls her eyes. “That’s crazy. You’re crazy.”

Toni shrugs, shoving her hands in her leather jacket. “Probably. Get dressed, bombshell. We’re going for a ride.”

Cheryl hurriedly pulls on a pair of sweatpants and one of JJ’s old t-shirts, her nightgown forgotten on her floor. She yanks on her least important pair of shoes and leans out the window again. Toni is still there, and she’s still grinning when she looks up at Cheryl.

“I don’t even know how to climb out of a window,” Cheryl hisses, suddenly nervous.

“Don’t worry, I’ll catch you if you fall.”

“You’re like five feet tall.”

“Irrelevant. I’ll die catching an angel.”

Cheryl blushes, shakes her head, and slips out of her window onto the overhanging roof. Slowly, cautiously, she makes it to the edge. It’s still a steep drop, and she’d probably get hurt.

“Climb onto that tree,” Toni instructs. “And when you reach the trunk, jump.”

“This is fucking insane,” Cheryl mutters to herself. Toni cackles and as soon as Cheryl reaches the trunk, she’s right there to catch her. It’s not even a big fall, but Toni eases the impact with her body. “You’re strong.” Cheryl’s cheeks are warm.

Toni shrugs. “I’m a lot of things, bombshell.”

“Noted,” Cheryl hums.

“So, ready to make our daring escape into the night?” Toni waggles her eyebrows and Cheryl laughs softly.

“You make it sound like we’re eloping.” She giggles.

Toni takes her hand and leads her towards the driveway. “Maybe we are.”

“How ridiculous; you haven’t even asked me to marry you.”

“I wanted it to be a surprise.”

“What if I say no?”

“Don’t you know it already?” Toni’s smiling. “You wouldn’t say no, because you and I are meant to be, cherrybomb.”

They chuckle quietly to themselves, and Cheryl feels something warm flooding her body. When they reach Toni’s bike, the shorter girl offers Cheryl a helmet and her leather jacket.

“I’m used to the windchill, but you’ll probably need it,” she says and there’s that warmth again. Cheryl wonders if this is how normal friends feel. (She knows it isn’t. She’s felt this before.)

She slips on Toni’s jacket and helmet, sliding onto the motorcycle behind her. “This thing,” Cheryl says, “is a death trap.”

Toni snorts. “Don’t worry, Cheryl. I won’t let anything happen to you.”

And, because Cheryl is desperate to escape and because she’s kind of starting to wonder how deep her feelings for Toni are, she believes her.

* * *

 

The sun is rising, just peeking over the horizon. Cheryl leans into Toni’s side, starting to feel a bit tired from her long evening. But she doesn’t want this to end. This moment, it feels heavier than she’d like to admit.

She’s, as always, at war with herself. She hasn’t trusted anyone in  _so long_. She hasn’t given herself to anyone since Heather; she hasn’t let her heart fall into the wrong hands, hasn’t let the butterflies in her stomach come to life; hasn’t told anyone her biggest secret; hasn’t  _felt_ like this for- well-  _anyone_.

And then Toni comes along and tears her heart from its steel prison, and she feels like she’s thawing. Like she hasn’t resurfaced from Sweetwater River until Toni sat with her at Pop’s. The world feels brighter, newer, and it’s terrifyingly overwhelmingly wonderful. Toni is bringing the Spring back into her life, her heart blooming into the delicate rose it used to be.

She’s-

“Hey, are you okay? You’ve been quiet for a while.” Toni’s voice is hushed, concerned, and Cheryl melts a bit more.

“Yeah,” she whispers, because she can’t find the ability to break the bubble they’ve found themselves in. “I’m… good.”

“Good?” Toni toys with Cheryl’s fingers. They’ve been holding hands all night, ever since they pulled into the old playground and climbed on top of the highest slide.

“I’m happy,” Cheryl clarifies softly. “You make me happy.”

“S’what I’m here for,” Toni hums.

“Thank you. You’ve done a lot for me, and I don’t know how I’d ever be able to-”

“You don’t have to.” Toni cuts her off, hand squeezing Cheryl’s. “You’ve needed a friend for a long time, and I’m honored to be that person. Your so-called ‘friends’ haven’t done shit for you, and I hate seeing people treat you like you’re this- this-”

“Loveless monster?” Cheryl mutters bitterly.

“Exactly.” Toni enfolds Cheryl’s hand with both of her own. “You’re a  _good_ person, Cheryl. You just deal with your problems differently. Who cares if you’re a bitch sometimes? God, it’s not like you’re going around punching kids in the face and kicking puppies.” Cheryl snorts.

“I just don’t know why you bother with me, is all. I wasn’t exactly the nicest person to you.”

“I can tell a broken girl when I see one.” Toni pauses. “I gotta admit something. Don’t- don’t make it a big thing.”

Cheryl’s stomach churns.

“I, uh, already saw that movie. When I sat with you? I just saw you standing alone at the concession stand and told Fangs to leave without me.” Toni admits, blushing. “I couldn’t stand seeing you look so  _lonely_ and I couldn’t just…” she gestures vaguely with her hand before letting it drop back on top of Cheryl’s with a sigh. “You had my attention from day one, y’know.”

“You mean when I called you Queen of the Buskers?”

“I mean the drag race. I thought,  _‘Who the hell does this bitch think she is?’_  Not a lot of people have ever pulled that crap with me. I’m not exactly some teenage girl who hangs out with a literal gang for shits and giggles. Hell, I was practically in charge of the boys until Jughead showed up.” She exhales slowly. “But you just came along, all ethereal and confident like you were damned royalty. Girls like that used to piss me off, but- there was just… something about you.”

“Something good, I hope.”

Toni looks at her, then, so Cheryl looks at her, too. “Something wonderful.”

“Sensational?”

Toni snorts. “Yes, Cheryl. Sensational.”

They’re quiet for a long while more. The sky is turning a light purple sinking into pale yellow. It’s beautiful, Cheryl muses, but not as beautiful as the girl next to her.

“Yes,” Cheryl murmurs.

“Uh- what?” Toni quirks an eyebrow.

“You didn’t ask yet, but, the answer is yes. We’re definitely eloping.” Cheryl’s laugh is soft, to hide the nerves that are buzzing in her body.

Toni laughs, light and free, and Cheryl has an undeniably strong urge to kiss her. She doesn’t, but she knows it’s there and she knows where this road is leading.

She can’t let this happen.

Not to her and Toni.

* * *

 

“That was… intense.” Toni chuckles, leaning against the doorframe.

“Sorry my family is…” Cheryl trails off when Toni brings a hand to her cheek, thumb smoothing over her cheekbone as a smile settles on Toni’s lips.

“Don’t apologize,” she murmurs. “I’m glad I was here for you.”

“I’m glad you were, too,” Cheryl admits.

A small silence settles between them. It feels electric, like they’re both holding their breath. Maybe they are. Cheryl knows  _she_ is, at least. She feels like there are a thousand words built between them, unspoken by their mouths but shouted through their eyes. She sees the softness in those dark orbs, and Cheryl swears she would die a happy woman drowning in those eyes.

“You make me feel… safe,” Cheryl says quietly. “You don’t know how much that means to me. Safety.  _You_.”

Toni’s smile reaches her eyes. It makes Cheryl’s insides turn to jelly.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, bombshell.” Toni’s hand falls from her cheek to settle at her own side, eyes moving somewhere behind Cheryl. Though she misses the contact, Cheryl knows who’s watching them.

“Tomorrow, then,” she agrees, smiling.

She doesn’t close the door until Toni’s off into the night. She steels herself to face her mother.

* * *

 

When Toni first says it, Cheryl can’t help the giggle that slips. It’s a natural instinct. _I want to join the Vixens._  God- how many others has she laughed at for saying the same thing? But the emotion that flashes in Toni’s eyes makes Cheryl flinch from the reaction she’d given.

“Why?” Cheryl asks, voice softer.

They’re at Toni’s again. Cheryl finds an odd sense of comfort in the small trailer. Maybe it’s just Toni’s presence. She isn’t sure. But it’s there, and it settles around her like a blanket; enfolds the two of them like it’s their only place of peace. (It is.)

“Why what?” Toni responds, a bit defensive.

Cheryl toys with Toni’s fingers, their hands on the bed between them. “Why do you want to join? I never pegged you as the type to…” she trails off, not sure what to say.

“ _Because_ ,” Toni inhales slowly. “I want to be around you more.”

Cheryl doesn’t know what to think about that, so she smiles instead. “I can help you. Show you some moves. Blow them away.”

Toni smirks when Cheryl’s eyes meet hers. “Is that just your way of getting me all breathless and sweaty?”

Cheryl laughs lightly. If anyone else had made that suggestion, she’d cut them down several pegs with a few choice insults. But this is Toni, and Toni is starting to become the only star in the sky of Cheryl’s universe.

“If I wanted that,” Cheryl says, “I’d be able to do so without making you dance with me.”

“Promises, promises,” Toni sighs.

There’s something nagging at the back of Cheryl’s mind. Something toxic, something that sounds suspiciously like her mother. She forces it away, focusing on the feeling of Toni’s hand squeezing her own.

“Show me what you got, bombshell.”

* * *

 

“I’m nervous,” Toni admits, looking away with a light blush dusting her cheeks. “I’ve never danced in front of anyone before. At least- not outside of a party or the Serpents initiation.” She pauses, swallowing thickly. “What if I’m not-”

“You  _are_.” Cheryl says, because Toni is flawless in everything she does and Cheryl wants to make sure she knows it every damn day. “You are  _amazing_ , TT. Besides,” she leans in with a teasing grin. “You had a fantastic teacher.”

Toni lets out a breathy laugh. “You’re something else, Cheryl Bombshell.”

“And  _you’re_ ,” Cheryl takes Toni’s hand, tone a bit more serious, “going to do great. If you get nervous, just focus on me. Okay?”

The adoration that floods Toni’s features makes Cheryl’s heart ache with want. She wants this, wants all of this. All of Toni’s affection, all of that warmth that’s pooling in those endless eyes.

(But she doesn’t deserve it.)

(She wants to deserve it.)

(She’ll do anything to deserve it.)

* * *

 

Cheryl Blossom is, not for the first time, petrified for her life. Riverdale  _has_ gotten darker since JJ’s demise, and with the appearance of her allegedly estranged uncle, she knows for a fact that her time is running out.  _First your mother, then Cheryl._

God-

She’s going to die. They’re going to kill her.

She’s-

They’re-

“Cher? You okay?” Toni asks, frowning at the redhead.

The others are chatting idly at the entrance of Cheryl’s closet. Betty is saying something about ‘so many clothes’ and Veronica and Josie seem to agree it’s ‘not enough clothes’ and then it changes to boys and Cheryl tunes out once more.

Her gaze shifts to Toni, who is looking at her with so much concern that Cheryl’s chest constricts and she has to look away.

She might not have much longer.

“No,” she whispers, and Toni moves to her side instantly, arm wrapping around her shoulders.

The others still aren’t paying attention.

“I know you’re scared,” Toni says quietly, softly. “But I promise, I won’t let anything happen to you.”

And it’s at the tip of her tongue. She wants to tell Toni everything, but she can’t find the words in her scattered mind, so she nods and leans into Toni. She melts into the feeling of another caring for her. She drinks in every affectionate touch, every smile, every sign that she isn’t alone in this friendship or- or whatever they had. She takes it in, because she is starving for it.

“Cheryl?” Veronica’s voice is concerned, hesitant. Her gaze flicks between the two girls, and Cheryl feels walls raise around her heart.

“I’m fine.” She responds, ignoring the pained look in Toni’s eyes. “Let’s- brush each other’s hair.”

And like that, the incident is forgotten.

* * *

 

She has to say it.

It’s at the tip of her tongue.

Red light bathes over them, the distant sleepy breaths of her other ‘friends’ come soundly from the floor. Her thoughts are racing a million miles an hour. She wants to spill her heart out, let it melt into the silken sheets between them. Wants Toni to know how much this means to her. Wants Toni to know how much  _she_ means to her. Wants Toni to know that she is the only fucking thing that has made sense since Jason died. Wants her to know it  _all_.

But- God- she can’t find the words. She’ll never be able to.

She turns her head, to see if the pink-haired girl is still awake. She sees her head shift a bit, though she doesn’t face Cheryl entirely.

Cheryl toys with her hands, takes a breath, and murmurs: “Full disclosure,” she turns onto her side, and loses her breath a bit when Toni does the same, her eyes locking onto Cheryl’s with a patient but gentle smile. “I… didn’t want to invite all the girls tonight.” Toni looks beautiful. She always looks so beautiful. Cheryl wants to curl into her arms for forever. “But I knew my  _hideous_ mother would  _never_ allow me to invite  _just_ you.”

And Cheryl feels it again. Like she’s on the ice, ready to either plunge into icy waters or be swept away by something wonderful. She feels it in her toes, in her limbs, in her  _chest_ and it feels-

“Which is… what I craved.” She whispers, and Toni’s answering grin makes her fall through. She knows this feeling, now. She knows what it means and the heavy consequences that are sure to follow.

But Toni is worth it.

_Toni is worth it._

She’s a breath away from kissing her when-

_Thud_.

Cheryl tears away from Toni, her heart plunging to the pit of her stomach as she scrambles out of bed. The commotion stirs the other girls, and they all watch as Toni follows Cheryl out of the room. They quickly stand, as well, and Cheryl’s scream pierces the dark night.

* * *

 

**Topaz  
** _hey cher  
hows your nana?_

Cheryl takes a slow, deep breath. She’s so tired. Her time is entirely focused on returning to the hospital until visiting hours are over. It’s Sunday, and she’s relieved that school will be able to save her from the personal purgatory she faces at home.

**_i don’t know  
they aren’t telling me anything._ **

Toni begins typing, but Cheryl continues frantically, her rising anxiety and panic starting to make her mind scramble again.

_**tt  
i want to tell you what i meant to that night.** _

**Topaz  
** _then let me come by today. let me take you somewhere safe._  
_please cher_

Cheryl closes her eyes, taking a slow breath through her nose. God. She longs for nothing more than to escape with Toni. What was it they said before? Elope? Yes, she would do anything to have that amount of control over her own life.

_**okay** _

No further words are needed. She and Toni often don’t need to say what they mean, or what they’re doing. Because they’re just so in tune with each other, it’s like second nature for Cheryl now. She knows how the Serpent will react, she knows what she does when she’s nervous about her latest photoshoot, she knows when Toni is locked out of her uncle’s trailer again…

So she opens her book, and stares at the pages. The beeps seem louder every passing second. She knows Toni is going to make her way to her, but sometimes Cheryl wishes she could teleport.

(Because Cheryl is next.)

(Because she never got to tell Toni.)

* * *

 

“Give me your phone,” Penelope orders flatly as soon as they load into the old car. Cheryl’s stomach churns, but she complies with shaking hands. Penelope must notice, but she doesn’t say a word about it.

(Cheryl is relieved and terrified.)

The car ride is long and silent. It doesn’t take long for Cheryl to realize they aren’t heading back to Thistlehouse  _at all_. Her heart is pounding in her ears, her body kicking into natural instincts. Fight or flight. She has no choice. She has only submission, and it’s what her mother is going to force out of her.

She doesn’t know how far she’ll take it.

She thinks of Toni, and how pissed she’d be if Cheryl didn’t fight back. She’d be furious. She’d be hurt. Maybe she’d-

God-

Maybe she’d experience what Cheryl had when Jason died.

And, God, Toni deserves the fucking world and Cheryl will be damned if she isn’t going to let her mother win this without a fight.

“I think… I figured it out.” She says, forcing her voice to not waver. “You paralyzed Nana with the terris root, and pushed her down the stairs.” She feels her mother’s cold gaze on her for a moment.

“You’ve gone mad,” Penelope says.

Cheryl’s stomach drops. Oh, God, what is happening?

“That’s all there is to it,” her mother continues. Is she- is she crying?  _No_ , Cheryl thinks,  _no no no_. “You have lost your mind and you leave us no choice.”

Cheryl’s heart is hammering so loudly she can hardly hear the rain outside.

“What do you mean, ‘no choice’?” She asks, body filled with panic at the possible answer. Her mother is going to do it, she knows it. She’s going to rip everything Cheryl has away from her. Maybe she’ll even  _kill_ her. And, fucking God, Cheryl Blossom does not want to fucking die.

“But it’s alright,” Penelope composes herself, and a cold chill runs through Cheryl’s spine. “They’re gonna make you all better.”

In the distance, she sees it:

Sisters of Quiet Mercy.

No.

_Oh God, no_.

“All better.”

And just like that, she feels the ice crumble under her weight. Feels Toni ripped from her grasp, feels the chance at happiness and safety torn from her fingertips just before she could truly get a hold on it.

And she-

She never even got to tell Toni.

* * *

 

Maybe she’s crazy.

She has to be.

This-

This can’t be real.

Maybe-

Maybe she  _did_ die at Sweetwater River that day, and this is the limbo she’s been forced to endure. The ring of hell she’s been sentenced to.

_“Okay. Yes, we understand. We’ll do everything we can.”_

Cheryl wants to throw up. Wants to throw herself out the damn window. Wants to wake up from this fucking nightmare because she doesn’t know why she’s here and she doesn’t know what’s happening to her.

She feels so achingly alone. She doesn’t remember when the sun came up, she doesn’t remember when she stopped counting the minutes ticking by, doesn’t remember how long it’s been since she’s talked to anyone.

She’s crazy.

She’s fucking insane.

They put her in a straight jacket. They stripped her bare and made her feel exposed and scared and lost and-

And now she’s-

She’s trapped. She curls into herself. She hears a cart rolling towards the door, footsteps clacking on linoleum.

The door clicks open.

A man wheels in, a cart with unidentifiable objects in front of him. He steps aside, letting an older woman slip into the small room. The woman sits on the uncomfortable bed, and Cheryl can’t help but tremble in fear.

What’s happening to her?

God- why is she here?

“Oh, you poor child,” the woman coos, wiping a tear from Cheryl’s cheek. It’s not warm like Toni’s. It’s cold, and it sends a jolt through her system. “There’s nothing to be afraid of.”

And, because Cheryl is fucking crazy and because she let someone melt her heart into a weak, trusting thing, for a moment Cheryl believes her.

“Sister Woodhouse is going to help you.”

“Thank you, Sister Woodhouse,” she breathes, ready to tell this woman everything.  _Everything_. Her mother is trying to kill her, her mother is going to destroy her, she’s going to-

“Yes, and she’s going to rid you of  _all_ those naughty demons,” the woman continues, and that sliver of hope snuffs out in an instant. Cheryl’s stomach sinks. “The ones making you think such- awful,  _unnatural_ thoughts.” And then it strikes her. Her heart curdles into a dying, pitiful thing. The man approaches with a needle. “Today, you must rest.” The needle is enormous, and Cheryl can’t- “Tomorrow, the real work, the  _conversion_ , begins.”

And Cheryl loses every piece of sanity she might have had left.

_Toni_.

* * *

 

There’s something dark running through her veins. It isn’t blood. It’s thick, and it’s filling her lungs, too. Like water.

Oh, the water.

Her heart is wilting. Each day, another petal.

She closes her eyes.

Shades of pink dance on the backs of her eyelids.


	2. Toni.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Toni knows what she wants. And what she wants is Cheryl Blossom, in every goddamn way she can have her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am trying to get into toni's mindset and it's a bit difficult for me but i hope i did her justice and i lov her

Toni Topaz has always known what she wants. Maybe it comes with her upbringing, but she’s learned that to get what you want, you have to shut up and take the leap. She’s not a stupid typical teenage girl caught between Boy A and Boy B; if she wants something, she goes for it and that’s fucking that. She’s rather black-and-white on most matters, which is what made her the unspoken ‘leader’ amongst the Serpent teens before Jughead came along. **  
**

She considers herself a rational person by nature. No point in beating around the bush. No time for playing around. Because in this world, you’re smiling in one moment and the next you’re watching your father crumble to the ground clutching his bleeding chest. This is  _survival_.

So when that damned redhead bitch struts to the dragrace like she owns everyone in it, Toni’s first coherent thought is:  _Who is this bitch and how can I possibly make her mine?_

Sweet Pea, as if sensing her thoughts, pats her shoulder and shakes his head. With a roar of the engines, the redhead leans back, like something from a movie and she swears time slows down because this girl - this privileged, stuck-up Northside bitch that is the exact epitome of the type of person Toni  _hates_ \- is quite literally the most gorgeous human she’s ever fucking seen.

“Don’t. Even. Think. About it.” Sweet Pea warns.

Toni smirks. “Too late.”

Because this bitch? This Northsider that commands authority like a queen and looks like a goddess? Toni knows with every fibre of her goddamn being that she’s going to destroy Toni. She’s a force of nature, beautiful and destructive, and to be honest? Toni can’t fucking wait.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Girls like Cheryl Blossom are dangerous. The way her mere presence seems to  _demand_ attention, the way she flaunts her body because she  _knows_ she’s gorgeous and she  _wants_ people to look, the way she’s got a silver tongue that’s the only match for Toni’s. The girl is  _so easy_  to rile up, too. Toni  _loves_ it.

Because getting under Cheryl Blossom’s skin is the most fun she’s had in a long time. It’s hardly a game of cat and mouse if the two are equally matched, and that’s the thrill of it. Toni never knows what to expect because Cheryl is a wildfire and Toni is all too drawn to her flames.

But there’s something else there. She can see it in those eyes. In her short time at Riverdale High, Toni’s learned something about the redhead: her eyes are the most expressive feature she has. She could have a voice cold as ice, words flying from her mouth like bullets, but those eyes tell a different story.

And Toni wants to know it all.

She wants to read Cheryl like a goddamn book. She wants to know everything there is to know about her, because girls like Cheryl Blossom aren’t born this way. She can see it in her eyes. Cheryl is suffering, and from what Toni has learned (via intimidatingly questioning Jughead and his friends) there’s plenty of reasons why. But, fucking hell, Toni wants to learn everything she can.

 

 

* * *

 

 

“If you keep provoking her,” Jughead says with a grimace, “you’re going to regret it.”

Toni steals a few of his tater tots, popping them into her mouth with a smirk when he scowls at her. “I, for one,  _enjoy_ our discussions.”

“She accused you of petty thievery when you almost left English with her pencil. If anyone else had done that back at Southside, you’d have knocked them out.”

Toni shrugs nonchalantly. “She’s different, Jug.”

“She’s  _Cheryl Blossom_. You don’t know her, okay?  _I_  do. She’s insane. She’s-”

“Different.” Toni deadpans. “She’s not insane. There’s more to her than meets the eye.”

“Oh?” Jughead scoffs. “And how would  _you_ know?”

Toni simply does. Jughead isn’t satisfied with this answer, but he drops the subject and talks to Fangs about something else. Toni risks a glance across the cafeteria to where the redhead sits regally with her preppy minions.

Yes, there’s something different, she knows it.

Because Cheryl Blossom lights up every goddamn room she walks into. She fills it with her presence, with such confident authority, and while anyone else can chalk that up to her less than ideal attitude, Toni can see something else. She can see the slight twitch of Cheryl’s hands when she’s nervous, or the way her gaze softens ever so slightly when she’s deep in thought. Sees the way Cheryl carries herself like she’s hiding something and, God, Toni wants to know what that something is.

She’d give anything to know.

“You’re crazy,” Sweet Pea snorts, following her gaze to the girl that’s starting to occupy her thoughts day in and day out. “She’s a bitch.”

“She’s  _sensational_ ,” Toni responds, voice a bit softer than she’d like to admit.

“You’re not usually the pining type, T,” he continues. “Especially not over queenie herself.”

Toni shrugs.

“It’s kind of cliché,” he chuckles. “The Southside girl falling for the Northside princess. Very  _Romeo and Juliet_.”

“Except neither of us are going to die in the end, we aren’t thirteen and eighteen, and I refuse to let anything we build end in tragedy.”

“You don’t even know her.”

“Not yet,” Toni looks back to him with a smile. “But I will.”

“You’re crazy.” Sweet Pea concludes.

Cheryl’s laugh, cold and fake as her exterior, rings through the cafeteria.

“Probably.” Toni agrees, wondering what Cheryl’s  _real_ laughter would sound like.

 

 

* * *

 

 

When she’s passing by the girls’ bathroom and hears Cheryl telling Jughead that Betty and Archie kissed, it’s a chance she’d be crazy to miss. Cheryl has this pattern with her reactions that Toni noticed right away. If she’s upset, she lashes out. If she’s lashing out, she’s spewing insults and personal things that can make anyone cry. What could possibly create a girl like Cheryl Blossom?

And, because Toni knows what she wants, she takes the leap and goes for it. And she can tell in that breathless panicked look in those brown eyes, that everything she’d assumed was right. This girl, she thinks, needs someone to pick away at those icy walls around her heart. She needs someone to be there for her, and Toni is beyond willing to be that person.

 

 

* * *

 

 

“That movie was so cheesy,” Fangs comments, a smile on his face.

“Oh, please, don’t go all ‘tough-guy’ on me.” Toni punches his shoulder lightly. “You loved it.”

“I didn’t say I didn’t like it.” Fangs defends, his smile spreading into a grin. “I think I saw Kevin there, too.”

“ _Now_ who’s the one getting caught up on a Northsider?” Toni teases, and pauses when she sees a flash of red hair.

It’s strange, how easily Cheryl seems to catch her attention. How easily Toni can spot her in a crowd. In fact, she thinks she could find Cheryl Blossom in any crowd, her internal compass somehow always pointing to the redhead without even thinking about it.

Cheryl is standing alone at the concession stand, her shoulders slumped and a frown on her lips.

This, Toni decides, just isn’t right.

“Hey, Fangs,” Toni says, “head home without me. I gotta take care of something.”

Fangs follows her gaze and rolls his eyes. “You’re whipped and you haven’t had a full conversation with her that wasn’t insults in the hallway.”

“And this is my chance to change that.” Toni looks at him with a smile. “I’ll see you later.”

“Yeah, yeah, see you later. Go get your girl, Topaz.” With that, Fangs saunters off and Toni makes her way to Cheryl.

And the walls are cracking. She can see it. Toni counts this as a win, if it wasn’t so painful to realize that Cheryl’s walls are crumbling just because she’s being a decent person. How fucked up of a life has this girl had that Toni simply offering to join her at the movies gets her to literally  _come out of the closet_?

Maybe it was just a bad night, Toni assumes later.

But she’s finally breaking through.

And she can see, in the carefully relieved glimmer in her eyes, that Cheryl knows it, too.

 

 

* * *

 

 

As soon as she sees Cheryl slip into the bathroom, a hauntingly neutral expression on her face, Toni knows something is wrong. It’s that thing in her head again that seems to always be aware of Cheryl Blossom. It’s insistent, it’s screaming at her to follow. So she does, and her breath leaves her body.

Seeing Cheryl break down like this, Toni thinks, is the worst thing one could possibly ever see. To see the dam of Cheryl’s emotions burst through, a flood of agony spilling from her eyes. God, it  _hurts_ to see her like that.

So Toni doesn’t fight the urge to hold her. Cheryl feels so small in her arms, despite their height difference. And the girl - this beautiful enigma - asks Toni what she wants from her.

What does she want from her?

What has she been through to think that someone simply hugging her demands repayment of any sort? 

God, Toni wants to take all of those people down. She wants to tell Cheryl that she’s beautiful, that she deserves to be happy, that she doesn’t deserve the life she’s been handed because she has a beautiful heart when she lets it show. She wants to fight the world that’s closing in on Cheryl Blossom and even though she isn’t quite sure how to tell her this, she knows she wants one thing in particular:

“I want you to trust me.”

And their eyes lock. She looks terrified, but Toni knows it isn’t directed at her. This girl is scared of herself. Cheryl Blossom’s biggest demon, Toni realizes, is herself. And she’s going to do whatever she fucking can to defeat that demon.

She doesn’t expect Cheryl to fall into her, but she holds onto her as tight as she can. She tries to send anything she can - energy, prayers, she doesn’t fucking know - that she is here for her. That she isn’t going to run away.

“God, Cheryl, what happened?” She asks, holding Cheryl as tight as she can without squishing the taller girl.

“I’m alone.” And it’s so, so broken and defeated that Toni feels her heart shatter.

Alone?

 _Alone_?

That simply won’t fucking do. If nobody is going to be here for Cheryl Blossom - not even the people who have the audacity to call themselves her friends - then Toni will be. She promises every star in the goddamn sky that no matter what, she’s going to be here for Cheryl Blossom.

Because Cheryl deserves a great many things, but to feel lost and alone is not one of them. It’s a feeling Toni has known many times, and the thought of Cheryl feeling that way possibly  _always_ makes her chest ache.

“You aren’t alone,” Toni finds herself saying, her voice quiet and soft. “I promise, Cheryl, you’re not alone. Not anymore.”  _Not with me._

“Why are you doing this?” Cheryl’s voice wavers, like she’s afraid of Toni’s answer, and, God, Toni wants to shield Cheryl away from the rest of the world for forever.

“I want to help you.”

“ _Why_?” Cheryl’s fingers are curled into Toni’s shirt, clinging to the fabric like it’s grounding her to reality.

Like  _Toni_ is grounding her to reality.

_Because you deserve the world. Because you’re always gorgeous but you’re breathtaking when your smile reaches your eyes. Because now that I’ve seen a sliver of the real you, I can’t ever get enough._

“Because I  _care_ ,” she answers gently.

“W-”

“Because, believe it or not, I actually like you.” Toni figures she may as well try to tell Cheryl every scattered thought in her brain. “And I’m not blind. I can see you’re suffering and I can’t let you suffer alone.”

Cheryl pulls back a bit, dark eyes studying Toni with a stunned expression. Toni hopes she looks as sincere as she feels.

Cheryl falls back into her embrace, and Toni releases the breath she didn’t realize she’d been holding.

Because Cheryl is blooming before her eyes. Blossoming, if you will. And she is a beautiful and rare flower that has planted a seed in Toni’s chest.

 

 

* * *

 

 

“Toni, lemme see your algebra homework.” Sweet Pea says through a disgusting mouthful of his sandwich.

“No fucking way, dude,” Toni slaps his hand away from her binder. “You need to do your own damn homework.”

“C’mon, T!” Sweet Pea whines. “Think of all the things I’ve done for you!”

“You’re a pain in my ass,” Toni huffs.

“C’mon,  _please_? I don’t wanna fail!”

“Then pay attention in class, you v-”

“This seat taken?” A hesitant voice behind her makes Toni stop mid-sentence.

She turns to see Cheryl, standing a few feet behind her, looking at Toni with a vulnerable expression. And Toni grins, because this is another good step.

“Yeah,” Toni’s grin turns into a smirk, “by a gorgeous redhead.”

Cheryl rolls her eyes, a smile lighting up her features and it’s so goddamn beautiful that Toni literally feels her heart stop. Cheryl sits down next to her, at the end of the bench seat, and their shoulders touch.

She smells pretty, Toni muses. Like vanilla and a little something more - maple, maybe? It makes her eyes nearly flutter shut before Cheryl’s facing her with that smile again, and it feels so easy and natural to fall into casual conversation.

(She’s sure people are staring. She’s sure Cheryl knows it, too.)

(But she doesn’t care.)

(Because Cheryl doesn’t, either.)

 

 

* * *

 

 

“-working on the themes of  _Jane Eyre_. You and a partner will describe one of the main themes, and present your work to the class…”

Cheryl leans back, head resting on Toni’s desk and red hair spilling across the surface like liquid fire. Toni wants to run her fingers through it.

A smile pulls at Cheryl’s lips as she looks at Toni through her long lashes. “Hey, partner.”

Toni can’t help but smile back. “Howdy.”

The teacher finishes his spiel and Cheryl turns around in her seat to face Toni. “Love.” She says simply and Toni quirks an eyebrow.

“So soon? We only went on  _one_ date.” She jokes and Cheryl smirks, but rolls her eyes.

“That wasn’t a date. But love. That’s the theme. Jane has to learn to love herself before she marries Rochester.”

This feels like a heavier conversation than the book. It feels like Cheryl is trying to convey something, maybe to Toni or herself, though Toni isn’t quite sure what yet.

“I thought she just wanted to be independent,” Toni replies.

“She does. That’s the point. If she relies too heavily on Rochester, their love would be-” Cheryl stops herself, and there’s something flashing in her eyes. “Toxic.”

Toni nods thoughtfully. “Yeah. Yeah, I get it.”

“Do you?” This question makes Toni tilt her head up, a smile on her lips as she leans forward.

“I do,” she says softly.

_She does._

 

 

* * *

 

 

The first time she takes Cheryl to her trailer, she’s sweating bullets she’s so nervous. Cheryl has lived in a mansion her whole life. Her uncle’s trailer is probably half the size of a single room in Cheryl’s eyes, and Toni’s never been so anxious about her occasional home but she’s eyeing every slight imperfection like she thinks Cheryl is going to comment on them.

But Cheryl doesn’t.

She just follows Toni to her room, which is embarrassingly tiny, and sits down on her bed. She’s quiet as she observes the room. Her eyes roam over every little thing, and Toni’s heart is pounding.

Her gaze settles on the wall above Toni’s dresser, where several polaroid pictures are pinned to a beat up old corkboard. Photos of herself, of Sweet Pea, of Fangs and Toni and a few of Jughead. The oldest one is in the middle, of herself and her mother.

“I didn’t know you took pictures,” Cheryl says softly, voice full of wonder.

Toni can’t help the smile that pulls at her lips. “I do.”

Cheryl’s eyes land on her. “Just polaroid?” It’s teasing, and it makes Toni’s heart leap.

“The film’s expensive,” Toni explains, picking up her polaroid camera. It’s an old thing that her mother bought for her when she was a kid and her adoration for taking pictures took hold of her young mind. “So I only take pictures of things I deem memorable.” She holds the camera up, aiming it at Cheryl. “Smile, gorgeous.”

“You’re going to take a picture of  _me_?” Cheryl asks, her voice strained like she’s nervous.

Toni looks up, not taking the picture quite yet, and takes in the sight of Cheryl Blossom. She’s easily the most breathtaking thing Toni has ever seen. She holds galaxies in her eyes, and Toni wants to wrap her up in affection and never let her go.

“You’re worth remembering.” Toni answers.

The grin that lights up Cheryl’s face is so achingly beautiful that Toni can’t help but take the picture. They watch it develop, sitting cross-legged on Toni’s bed with their knees brushing. Cheryl looks so at ease, so comfortable, and Toni can’t believe the intense warmth that’s filling her body at the sight.

She did that.

 _She_ made Cheryl feel comfortable.  _She_ made her smile like that.

She’s watching a rose bloom before her eyes. She’s watching Spring return. She’s watching the most wonderful person in her life smile because of her. And, God, Toni can’t believe how easily she’s let herself be consumed by the flames of Cheryl Blossom.

“See?” Toni picks up the now clear picture. “You’re stunning, Cher.”

And Cheryl’s hand finds hers. And this, Toni thinks, is a feeling that she wants for the rest of her life. It lingers on the tip of her tongue, eager to spill from her lips but  _not yet. Not yet._

_I adore you. I want you._

 

 

* * *

 

 

Cheryl’s house is gorgeous. It’s bigger than any home Toni’s ever been in. Sure, it’s got a creepy, Gothic vibe to it - but it’s oddly suiting of Cheryl to have such a hilariously extravagant home. It’s so  _extra_. Toni loves it.

And she loves Cheryl’s room even more. It’s grand in every way, with a mattress big enough to fit five people at least. And Cheryl sleeps in it alone, like the fucking queen she is. Toni fucking  _loves_ it.

She won’t lie- she’s kind of been staring at Cheryl’s cleavage for the past five minutes.

What? She’s  _hot_.

“But you aren’t listening to a single thing I’m saying, are you?” Cheryl laughs softly, and Toni focuses back on her lips. No-  _eyes_.

“Uh-” Toni sputters, blushing at having been caught.

“Back to business.” Cheryl fucking boops her nose and turns around on her heels. Toni is fucking speechless from her spot on the ottoman. “We need to get  _you_ ready.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

When Cheryl faints, Toni is in immediate panic-mode. She’s the first to the redhead’s side, lifting her head from the ground carefully. Penelope scoffs, strides up to her, and practically shoos Toni away.  _Bitch_. Toni seethes.

She almost rips the stranger that walked in away from Cheryl’s body when he leans down to pick her up. She’s about ready to fucking  _lunge_ for the bastard for even  _touching_ Cheryl, but Betty’s hand on her shoulder and Penelope’s glare keep her in place.

Betty eyes her strangely, but she doesn’t even notice because Cheryl’s limp body is taken out of the room and the will reading carries on. She storms out immediately, because she can’t stand the thought of someone else holding Cheryl.

But Penelope is insistent on making her leave, so she does. But she texts Cheryl to tell her when she’s okay.

(Penelope glares at her as soon as she shows up at the door for the second time that day. If looks could kill, Toni’s certain she’d be dead by now. She and Cheryl fall into a tense silence at the table, but Toni sneaks her hand under the table to squeeze Cheryl’s knee. Cheryl relaxes her tense posture, and Toni smiles to herself, retracting her hand and pretending to have been scratching her leg.)

(She’s fairly sure nobody’s buying it.)

(She’s also fairly sure she’s completely smitten for Cheryl Blossom.)

(Fucking. Lesbos.)

 

 

* * *

 

 

Toni squirms uncomfortably, body coated in sweat as Cheryl watches her intensely. She’s been practicing for  _hours_ , following Cheryl’s exact instructions, and her muscles are starting to protest.

“Is the… is the ass thing really necessary?” Toni pants.

“Yes,” Cheryl insists. “You have a great ass, TT. Flaunt it.”

“TT?” Toni grins, and Cheryl’s cheeks turn red. (Toni  _loves_ making her blush. It’s just one of the many things about Cheryl that she absolutely adores.)

“I- uh, well, yes.” Cheryl plays with her fingers nervously. “I called Jason JJ, so…”

She means as much as Jason did. Cheryl doesn’t say it, but Toni feels it fill the space between them, and she smiles even wider. Cheryl returns it, eyes lighting up with something unidentifiable, warm and tender.

“And you think I have a great ass.” Toni decides to say, because the mood is getting heavy and she isn’t sure if she wants to hold Cheryl or kiss her and she won’t make the first move. Not until Cheryl is ready.

Cheryl rolls her eyes and huffs. “Yes, TT. You have a great ass.”

They laugh together, and Toni feels like she’s finally found the piece she hadn’t known she’d been missing.

_I adore you. I want you. I want to kiss you. I want to wrap you in my arms and never let you go._

 

 

* * *

 

 

__**just so u know  
i don’t have any fancy nightgowns  
and i’ve never had a cheesy cheerleader sleepover  
is it how pornhub promises or should i prepare to be disappointed?**

It’s nerve wracking, in a weird way. Sweet Pea snorts at her from his spot on the sofa. He was waiting for Jughead and the others to swing by, something about chains. Toni wasn’t really listening from her place beside him.

“You’re too involved in that girl,” he says.

Toni ignores him.

**Cheryl Bombshell  
_im not surprised  
no offense  
but i have a spare, don’t worry_**

Toni chuckles softly to herself. Of course Cheryl has spares. She probably sleeps in a different silken gown every damn night.

 **Cheryl Bombshell  
_but no. it will not be like pornhub_  
** **_betty is my cousin :/_**

They flirt often, now. So often that Sweet Pea makes a point of gagging every time. Jughead is watching her differently, as well. Like he wants to say something.

(Toni wishes he’d spit it the fuck out already.)

**_so betty’s a no-go  
but veronica, josie and myself are on the table?_ **

“Jughead doesn’t like it,” Sweet Pea continues flatly.

“I didn’t ask for his approval for anything.” Toni responds, a little harsher than intended.

“Toni…”

“No, don’t say it. I’m not- it’s not like that.” She sighs. “She’s- God, Sweets, she’s so-”

“Christ, T, it’s like you’re in love with her.” Sweet Pea rolls his eyes. “I’m just warning you. I think it’s cute that you and queenie are together, romantic or otherwise. I’m just making sure you know how Jug feels before he brings it up himself.”

“He’ll do it anyway.” Toni looks down at her phone when it buzzes.

 **Cheryl Bombshell  
** _**just you** _

Toni grins to herself, cheeks flushing lightly.

“God, you’re not even sexting,” Sweet Pea’s voice is suddenly way closer than he was before, so Toni elbows him sharply.

“That’s fucking rude, you absolute fucking walnut!” She snaps and he cackles.

“Sorry, sorry, but you two sound like a married couple.” The revving of a motorcycle engine makes him stand. “You sure you’d rather go to that sleepover?”

“Positive.”

He shrugs, sighs, and leaves.

_**looking forward to it, then ;)** _

 

 

* * *

 

 

“Is that a tattoo?” Cheryl’s voice makes Toni pause, her arms above her head as she removes her shirt to slip into the gown Cheryl offered her.

“Yeah,” she tosses her shirt to the floor and turns to face Cheryl. She smirks when the redhead’s eyes dart all over her toso. “All the Serpents have ‘em.”

“Oh.”

Silence.

“See something you like, Bombshell?” Toni teases and Cheryl looks away with dark red cheeks.

And the air fills with a million unspoken words, and Toni would give anything to kiss Cheryl in this moment.

_Please tell me you feel this too. Please tell me I’m not the only one._

The doorbell rings. The spell is broken. Cheryl leaves and Toni returns to getting dressed.

 

 

* * *

 

 

“Toni simply can’t sleep on the floor. After all - tonight is a celebration of her induction to our squad.” Cheryl explains as Toni sits down on the enormous bed. It’s softer than anything she’d ever felt. She wants to sleep for forever on this bed.

“You made  _me_ sleep on the floor,” Veronica mutters.

“Well I  _like_ Toni.” Cheryl huffs in typical Blossom fashion, climbing under the covers with a glance at Toni.

“When’d you two become so close, anyway?” Betty asks. “I saw you at the will reading.”

“Since she gave me a chance.” Cheryl responds, and the room falls silent. Toni smiles at her, her pinky finding Cheryl’s over expensive sheets.

And it was the best fucking chance she’s ever given.

Because she was so, so close. Cheryl was finally, finally breaking down that last wall between her heart and Toni’s, and Toni could see it. See the vulnerability, the fear of losing someone again. The willingness to risk it, to take that leap.

And then it’s ruined.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Is it wrong to hate an old woman for possibly being thrown down the stairs? Toni is sure it’s not healthy to think that, but dammit she was so fucking close to kissing Cheryl and she can’t believe that woman had to go and fall down the damn stairs.

But Cheryl is so scared.

And she pushes that all aside, the protective compulsion to rush to the redhead’s side is too strong to ignore.

Because she’s scared, too.

She’s just discovered this beautiful thing that makes the world seem brighter and she can’t let it be ripped from her. She’s far too addicted to Cheryl Blossom to quit now, and, fucking Christ, she wants to take Cheryl away from all this goddamn chaos. Even if it’s for a few hours.

 **Cheryl Bombshell  
**_**okay**_.

Toni knows she’s going to back out on Jughead again for Cheryl. And she knows it’s at the tip of his tongue. He’s going to snap, sooner or later, and she’s toeing dangerously close to crossing that line.

But Cheryl is worth it.

Toni pulls on her Serpent jacket and yanks open her trailer door, only to freeze in her spot when she’s met with Jughead, Fangs, and Sweet Pea waiting for her.

Shit.

“Going somewhere?” Jughead asks.

Toni crosses her arms. “Yeah. I am.”

Jughead sighs, clenching and unclenching his jaw. Toni tenses, the air between them suddenly feeling heated and electric - and not in the pleasant way it feels around Cheryl. No, it’s like there’s a storm brewing. Her skin is prickling.

“We’re trying to save our school.” Jughead says flatly. “No- it’s more than that. We’re trying to save our  _home_ , Toni. Southside is  _ours_ , and they’re ripping it away from us.” He stands straighter, crossing his arms to mirror Toni. “And you don’t even care.”

“I  _do_ care,” Toni snaps.

“You haven’t shown up to any of our meetings. You haven’t discussed anything with us. You joined the damn  _River Vixens_ for  _Cheryl_.”

Toni hates this fucking tone of his. Hates the way Sweet Pea and Fangs are on edge, watching them talk and probably anticipating a full-on brawl.

“You questioning my loyalty, Jones?” She growls, stepping forward until she and Jughead are less than a foot apart. “Or did you forget who babysat you for weeks?”

“You’re choosing Cheryl over us.” Jughead deadpans.

“I’m not choosing her over the Serpents.” Toni hisses. “She  _needs_ someone to be there for her.”

“But  _we_ need you, too.”

There’s a heavy silence. Toni’s heart is aching. She feels torn in two.

“Toni.” Jughead sighs. “C’mon. We have a lot to talk about.”

Toni reluctantly pulls out her phone.

**hey  
raincheck?  
they need me for tonight  
i’ll make it up to you.  
you, me, pop’s.  
xx i’ll talk to you later, beautiful.**

 

 

* * *

 

 

“Excuse me?” This is the fourth fucking person she’s tried to talk to, and he mercifully turns to her with a questioning expression.

“Yes, young lady?” The doctor asks.

“My friend. Blossom. Cheryl Blossom. She was- uh, she was here to see her Nana. I-” Toni tries to slow her breathing, and fight her increasing anxiety. “She was supposed to be here today?”

“Oh, she left with her mother,” the man answers, smiling sympathetically. “Didn’t look very well, though she  _haws_ been here day in and day out.”

There’s a sinking feeling in Toni’s chest.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Something is wrong. God, she feels it right down to the marrow in her bones. Something is fucking  _wrong_ and she’s not-

Cheryl-

She knows Cheryl is in danger and she can’t fucking think a single coherent thought that isn’t focused on the redhead. She’s been reading the same paragraph in her book for the entirety of the period and she’s come to only one solution:

She needs help.

Things are too tense with Jughead, but there are only two girls she knows Cheryl would trust with her life. Toni doesn’t have to out Cheryl, she can act like a concerned friend. But as soon as Josie storms out of Thistle House, Veronica turns to Toni with a  _look_ and Toni swears she hears the gears turning in her head.

“You like her, don’t you?” Veronica asks, and Toni clenches her jaw, looking away. “Toni, I’m  _trying_ to help. I  _want_ to help. What’s the big thing about Cheryl drawing Josie? What did her mom mean by ‘obsessed’? How did you guys go from hating each other to being BFF’s and going to her father’s will reading together?” Veronica crosses her arms. “I want to help, Toni. I  _do_. I can see how worried you are, so I’m asking you to please,  _please_ tell me the truth. I can’t help you if I’m in the dark.”

And Toni doesn’t know what to say. Because she knows what it all meant. Penelope was good at riddles and games, sure, but Toni is not a fucking idiot.  _Deviance_. No, she knows what this means. And it makes Toni want to run back into Thistle House and put her knife up to that fucking monster’s throat.

But she can’t. She won’t. Instead, she looks back to Veronica, who is waiting patiently with an eyebrow raised in question.

“Cheryl and I… are more than friends.” Toni says quietly. “We both care about each other… a lot. And I think-” Toni has to force herself to keep her tone calm. “I think her mother sent her to conversion therapy.”

Veronica’s jaw drops.

 

 

* * *

 

 

By the third door, she’s getting reckless. She doesn’t fucking care how loud she’s being because all she can think about is  _Cheryl, Cheryl, Cheryl_  and how easily she’s let herself be consumed by the fiery redhead. She doesn’t even know what she’s going to say when she finds Cheryl but ‘I love you’ and ‘You are my everything’ are at the tip of her tongue.

By the fifth, she’s shouting Cheryl’s name. She’s desperate. She’ll punch a nun if she has to. She has to find her. She  _has_ to.

She hasn’t cried in front of anyone for years. Hasn’t felt so fucking strongly about someone that wasn’t a Serpent in even longer. She has to find her. She has to find her or Toni swears she’ll barge into Thistle House herself and-

“Cheryl?” This room is full of people. Her heart is racing. “Are you in here?”

“ _Toni_?”

And there she is. God, even in this state she makes Toni’s heart leap to her throat. She makes the whole room brighter.

“We came to rescue you.”  _Please tell me they didn’t change you._

“You did?”

_Of course I did. I would save you from the depths of Hell if I had to. I would walk to the ends of the Earth to find you. I would-_

And Cheryl is in her arms. And Toni swears to every deity she knows by name that nothing will ever feel as right as this.

The words are stuck in her throat, so she pulls Cheryl in for a kiss instead. Because Toni knows what she wants, and she has been far too patient with this leap of faith. She’s never been so scared. She’s never been so worried. She’s seen her friends have guns pointed at their heads. She’s seen men bleeding to death. But nothing -  _nothing_ \- will ever tear her heart out like losing Cheryl.

And when Cheryl kisses her back, she tastes forever and more.

She knows, with every goddamn fibre of her being, that she and Cheryl are meant to be and she’ll be fucking damned if she lets Penelope - or  _anyone_ \- take her girl from her again.

 

 

* * *

 

 

She wakes in an old, worn mattress with Cheryl’s limbs so tangled with her own that she isn’t really sure where she begins and Cheryl ends. Not that Toni minds. It’s warm, and it’s comforting, and it’s  _home_.

And, God, she’s never fallen so hard in her life.

(Every Serpent has a soft underbelly. Cheryl is, without a doubt, Toni’s.)

(Toni doesn’t mind.)

(She loves Cheryl with all her goddamn heart.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> S o f t  
> @ pinkbunny-imagines

**Author's Note:**

> (:  
> (it will be okay)  
> (i love you)


End file.
